Anyway, as promised, here is more of my journey towards true love. We left off with my first glimpse at my future husband on eHarmony. As I had stated before, I had been on the site for about seven months at that point, and I had met A LOT of guys through the site. Some, I knew right away from reading their profiles, they were not the ones for me. Anyone who is thinking about joining eHarmony (or any other dating site), I HIGHLY recommend it if you are in your mid-twenties or older. It is such a great way to meet people, especially if you are working a full time job and feel as though you have no time to meet people. I would also recommend this if you have explored all of your "known" options. You know what I mean-- you have met every single person that everyone in your life knows and has tried to set you up with. I am not saying that people don't meet the "one" that way; I am just saying that while people have the best intentions, sometimes the only thing you have in common with the people that you are set up with is the fact that you are both single! I was set-up on a date by my cousin with someone that her husband worked with (this was before eHarmony). To be honest, I don't remember his name, but he was nice-- a theme you will see pop up a lot on my journey. Too nice? No, not really, but I just didn't "feel" it. On the first date. And I was done- that quick! First impressions (I unfortunately found out) are extremely meaningful to me! I just had a feeling that he wasn't it, and I didn't want to waste my time or his. I did feel bad, but neither of us had any real investment in it yet, and I figured, why not just end it before it starts. My cousin then (almost immediately) set me up with another nice guy-- a fellow teacher, who was extremely nice. We had a great conversation at one of my favorite places, Barnes and Nobles. He also was a coach, and seemed so devoted to his school and his students-- I was really impressed. Was I interested? No-- again, I felt bad about it. He tried to keep in contact, but I had to be honest with him, and tell him that I didn't think it was going anywhere. Around that same time, I also became somewhat interested in someone at my church. He was lector and my family and I always thought he was cute. I, embarrassingly, introduced myself after church one day and "pretended" that I wanted to become a lector, and asked him how to go about doing that. Hindsight-- honesty is best, and was I honestly trying to become a lector? No-- not at all. I should have just walked away at that point. After our "forced" meeting, we starting texting each other. It was fun, and I loved the attention. Our first (and only) date, we met up at another one of my favorite coffee places: Starbucks! We started talking, and it was so easy to talk to him. I found myself smiling, genuinely smiling and having a good time. I thought to myself-- could it be? Could I have found someone that I actually could date? And then, came the STORY-- for privacy for that person, and because I don't want to be extremely mean, I am only going to give you the highlights. He had been in the army, and there was a breakdown of some sorts. And then I started to get a little freaked out-- he was so vulnerable, and I feel so bad because I know he was just trying to be honest. However, I got the feeling as though he wasn't quite ready/stable? :( to be in a relationship at that time. After our date, I knew I wasn't going to see him in a dating setting again. He did contact me after the date, but again, I had to be honest, and I told him I wasn't interested. It was SO difficult-- and yes I still see him when I'm at church (as I slowly, slide down towards the edge of the pew). Super mature Kaitlin.
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There was, at one point, in between all of these set-ups when I actually reached out to my ex (BAD, TERRIBLE, STUPID, did I say BAD idea). There is a reason they are called an ex by the way-- as I learned from a great book He's Just Not That Into You (side bar-- amazing book! Everyone should read it!) given to me by my cousin during my "difficult" time. We met up, and I thought we could be friends again-- until he mentioned his new girlfriend (run, girl, run!). And then I realized, we couldn't be friends. We weren't in high school or college anymore. We were adults, and just like that old adage "People come into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime," I came to the understanding that he was not meant to be in my life for a lifetime; he taught me a valuable lesson about self-worth, unrequited love (me not him), and letting go. I know everyone is different, and has their own way of getting through a breakup, but talking to your ex (in my opinion) is never a good idea. It only brings up hurt and frustration. You can't go "back" to the way you two were-- it just doesn't work like that. And in some cases, I know people do get back together and it works out amazingly, but in many cases, both people try to get it back to the way it was. And that can be a very challenging thing to do.
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The setting up/dating people you know aside, if you are not quite the type to go to bars, or you are hesitant to get involved with LivingSocial events that include only single people, or you really don't want to date someone that you work with, then online dating may be perfect for you! It is a great way to meet a lot of people in a short amount of time. One of my favorite parts of online dating was getting to make the decision to either talk to people or move on! I had the power! I got to reject those that I didn't want to date (keep in mind-- I kind of always felt stifled in my previous relationship), and although I did feel bad at times, it was also mutually understood that because I was looking for love and commitment, I didn't want to waste my time. So, therefore, I rejected a lot of guys! The nice part of eHarmony, is that you can talk to many people at one time. There are always new matches, and therefore, you never feel as though the pond is too small. When I tried the bar scene, I always felt as though there weren't enough options, online dating is definitely the opposite. Some of the first people I met that I liked, I became attached to very quickly (try not to do this, okay?). I didn't quite understand the concept that there were always going to be new matches, so when someone I liked, didn't respond back to me, I was genuinely hurt. But, I also had to remember that I was doing the same thing! Trust me, it just takes time to adjust to the newness of it all!
Fast forward to my first date with my husband, and we had gone bowling (so fun for a first date! I would definitely recommend doing something fun for the first date!) and then we realized we still wanted to talk and hang out with each other (a pretty good sign). So, we ended up going to "UNOs" so we could get to know each other better. When we sat down at the bar, one of the first questions he asked me was "So how many dates like this have you gone on so far?" and I had to think about it for a moment. How many people had I gone on dates with from the site? I wanted to be honest! It took me a minute, but I told him-- "Oh, I don't know about 10? Maybe 11? How about you? How many dates have you gone on?" His response:" Oh, you're my first." Cue blushing, my insides freaking out, and a smile on his face. I didn't know what to say! And I guess before you learn more about my husband, and our first date, I should probably tell you about the others.......the other 10......or so.....but you will just have to wait for that until tomorrow!
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