Past the First Date

It's been a while since I wrote a post about my journey of finding true love. I was feeling nostalgic, and I decided to continue sharing what happened after that first amazing date.

As you may recall, Jim and I went bowling and then out for drinks for our first date. The date lasted most of the night, and I was surprised that I had such a good time :). I knew after our first date, that I wanted to continue seeing Jim. I decided to stop talking to my other matches immediately. The week in between our first and second date, Jim and I were in constant contact with each other. We sent multiple emails a day, and even started texting each other whenever we could. For our second date, Jim invited me to his apartment warming party. I was hesitant to go at first since it was an hour and a half away, but I decided to go with my sister. In retrospect, I'm glad I did :). It was important to me to spend as much time with him as I could. Our third date, we went to a great Mexican restaurant about half way between us (45 minutes away). I remember being so surprised at how comfortable I was with him. From the very beginning, I was myself. In my past relationships and even on other eHarmony dates, I always felt like I had to act a certain way, be a certain person, and I was never truly myself. When I was with Jim, I didn't have to pretend to be anything other than who I was. I knew that if I felt that way with him right away, that we were starting something pretty special.

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Our fourth date is probably one of my favorite dates. Jim and I ventured to Salem, MA, a beautiful, scenic, North shore city. Yes, this is the place that is notorious for the Salem Witch Trials and crazy Halloween shenanigans! But trust me-- this is a gorgeous place and well worth the trip. We decided to eat at a local seafood restaurant, and then just walk around the city. It was a beautiful, breezy summer day. The city wasn't crowded, and it wasn't too humid (always a plus for me and my hair haha). I loved this date so much because it was where we became a couple. It wasn't something that was said outl oud, but we both agree, that this day marked a change in our relationship. We had progressed from just talking and communicating, to being a part of each other's lives. Even though it was only our fourth date, I knew that this was the man I was meant to be with. Yes-- on date four I knew. It was that amazing :) After this date, we never looked back-- we only looked forward. Was it always easy? No. Did we always get to see each other when we wanted or needed? No. But we were together, and that's what mattered. 

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Meeting My Husband Part II

Before I start writing more about the first date, I just want to say thank you for stopping by. Whether you are a casual reader, one time reader, or daily reader, I want to thank you. Blogs are such an amazing writing and sharing outlet. I love how I will be able to look back on these posts and remember how it all began.  I cannot wait to share these memories with my children and grandchildren. Now, I promise that my blog won’t always be about my journey of love, but it is one of the most important things about my life. As such, I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t write about it. If you are someone who has been hesitant about online dating, I hope that sharing my story has encouraged you to at least consider the possibility. Without online dating, I never would have met my husband.

Image Courtesy of  anat_tikker at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Back to bowling……

While I can’t quite remember how many bowling games we played (neither can my husband), I do remember not wanting the date to end. I also vividly remember losing all of the games—not on purpose might I add. Jim asked if I was interested in getting a drink somewhere, or if I had to be home by a certain time. He wanted to see more of me?! He liked me?! Why would I pass up the opportunity of seeing more of him? Did I remember my two hour rule? Absolutely not—that was not even a consideration.  

We made our way to UNOs, and got drinks and talked. Again, it was so easy to talk to him. I really started to like him. When he asked me how many dates I have been on, I was slightly embarrassed. You now know the background of those dates, and how I never really connected with any of them. When Jim told me I was his first date, I immediately regretted sharing that I had been on about 10! He laughed, and thought I was joking. He then asked me on a scale of 1-10 how this date was going (he loves rating things J), and I said it was a 10. He asked me why it wasn’t an 11 (story of my life now haha). While he still thinks I was joking when I said that, I was not. It was one of the best dates I had ever been on.  Since Jim paid for bowling, I wanted to pay for our drinks. I knew, of course, that Jim wouldn’t let me pay. I actually waited until he went to the bathroom to pay. He was not happy when he came back! Ladies—while I agree that a true gentleman should pay on the first date, I also understand the urge to want to split the cost J

I didn’t realize how much time had gone by until the bartender said that it was last call. Jim and I had been there for hours! I also hadn’t looked at my phone for those said hours, and I had numerous texts from my mom. She thought something happened to me! Truth be told, I could have stayed there longer, but it was almost one in the morning! We both had to work the next morning, and poor Jim had a long drive ahead of him. I knew the moment I didn’t want to leave him, that Jim was “the one.” It was just a feeling I had. We parted ways, and I got a text from him right away. I can’t describe the joy I felt in that moment. To know that someone was interested in me, and genuinely wanted to see me again, was an amazing feeling.

When I finally got home that night (since I was still living with my parents), my mom was surprisingly still up! She asked me how the date went, and I said “I think I really like this one.” She just smiled and went to bed.

And after that first date, Jim and I became inseparable. We saw each other every week, and if we were lucky, twice a week. We became exclusive immediately, and we never looked back. Was it hard dating long distance? Oh..my..word…yes! I can’t imagine how difficult it is to date someone long distance across the country!  That is a true testament of love.  

                                                          One of our first outings together :)

And now you know the beginning of our journey. I will post more about our journey past our first date, our engagement, and our wedding, but now you know where it all began.

If you have been successful with online dating, I would love to hear more about your experiences in the comments section below! Or, if you have any questions/concerns, please feel free to ask away!  :)

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!  Go Pats!

Meeting My Husband

When my husband and I have kids, I plan on telling them how their father and I met. I may not include all of the aspects, but I do want them to know  it was a journey. There were big bumps, and smaller bumps along the way. I endured heartache and heartbreak before I met their father, but that I wouldn’t have wanted it to happen any other way.  It led us to each other.

When my husband and I first starting communicating on eHarmony, I knew it was going to be different. I had different feelings communicating with him than the others. I was nervous, giddy, and excited to get his responses. We first starting talking while my family was on vacation, and I was attached to my phone. We were communicating through eHarmony mail, and I found myself more and more interested in learning about Jim. I wanted to know more than just the basic information. I wanted to know what his dreams were, what his goals in life were, what he had planned for in the future.  I was hoping with every response, that I could see myself fit into his life and his plans. His responses were genuine, personal, and sometimes very humorous (a characteristic that is very important to me!).  After my vacation, we moved on from communicating just through eHarmony, and starting communicating through our personal emails. We would send pages to each other, detailing our past relationships, our favorite moments in life, our relationship pet peeves, and what we found attractive in a partner.  We were truly getting to know each other on a deeper level, and I think is one reason why we became a “success” story. We were honest from the beginning. Nothing was off limits to ask about or discuss, because why not? I like to say that we became friends first, because that is really what happened for us. During our email communication, I got a sense of who he was as a person. I could start to talk to him like he was actually part of my life, instead of just being someone that I was communicating with through eHarmony. I found myself wanting to talk to him each day about what happened during work, and that is when I knew this was a stronger connection than the others. 

Our first date was bowling.  I am starting to blush as I am writing this! I was so nervous. Too nervous. I was also at the point where I was going to take a break from eHarmony if Jim and I didn’t work out. I had talked to quite a few people, and I was starting to feel discouraged.  I was so nervous that Jim wouldn’t like me, and would “break up” with me! I told my mom that I was going to take a break after this date, and she told me to just wait and see.  A mother’s intuition perhaps? Anyway, I spent way too long on my hair, way too long on my make-up, and many hours changing outfits. Once I was ready, my mom wished me luck, and I started to get really nervous. So much was riding on the success of this date!

The amazing guy that he is, Jim met me at a bowling alley close to my house. At the time, we lived about an hour and a half away from each other. This wasn’t uncommon for people on eHarmony; you can select the distance you are willing to travel to meet people. One aspect that does stick out in my mind, is that one of the guys I was first talking to (way in the beginning) also lived about an hour and a half away, and told me that he wasn’t sure he be in a long distance relationship.  Girls—if a guy is not willing to travel for you (at least in the beginning), he probably isn’t interested in dating you. He is looking for something either more convenient or something less serious. The fact that Jim was willing to drive two hours (yes—the bowling place he chose actually was about 30 minutes from my house and therefore an additional distance for him to travel), said a lot about his character, and showed me that he was willing to travel for me. When I arrived at the bowling place, I saw an extremely handsome guy sitting down. I went red. He was so attractive, so good looking in fact that I almost walked out. We introduced ourselves. I could not even tell you what we talked about the first 10 minutes of the date; I was just staring at him! Let me tell you—Jim knows how to plan a perfect date. Bowling was the best choice! Not only was it fun, but it took away many of my nerves. It was a great setting to just talk with each other.  And while I was focused on doing well, it was the conversation that I truly enjoyed. Side note—I lost all of the bowling games. Jim was and still is a champ. We talked about everything and anything. One thing that I noticed right away was Jim’s sarcastic sense of humor. He said/says things so seriously that you never think he is being sarcastic! But then he smiles, and his dimples show up (yes I’m gushing) and you know he is teasing you. Man that smile took my breath away during our first date-it still does J. I do remember asking him at some point, if he ever was serious (the answer is rarely!), and he said that he was, with some hesitation. Well, I can tell you that while he can be serious; his sense of humor and sarcasm is truly a Godsend. I am a very serious person, too serious some would say, and Jim is my perfect balance. He calms me down when I need it, he reassures me when I am stressing, and he can make me laugh to release any tension that I have.   So while on that first date I was a little nervous that he could never be serious, I should have known that he was the person I needed in life.

Bowling was perfection! Was it the end of our first date? Or did I break my two hour date limit? You will just have to wait until tomorrow……………

The Middle of the Road continued....

Hello all! We finally had school today! And while I love having snow days, I always have to remember that we do make them up.....in June.....usually during really nice weather. I hear more snow is headed our way for tomorrow and then again on Monday-- I actually thought we were starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe the tunnel is further away than I previously thought.

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Regardless, this post is about a handful of people that I met on eHarmony and actually met up with in person. There is a difference. For those of you who aren't as familiar with eHarmony (or any of those sites for that matter), it is good to point out that there are multiple ways that you can communicate to your matches. Usually the first way is by sending the person (if you are interested in them as a match), three or so questions. These questions are multiple choice, and it is just a good, very brief way to get to know someone. You might find out about things such as: what their favorite type of date is,  if they are looking for something serious or not,  their general likes or dislikes, those kinds of things. Typically after responding to those questions, your match will send you back either the same questions (to see what your answers are) or three different questions. After that initial communication piece, you can then decide to skip to eHarmony mail (not your personal email yet), or you can have them answer a few open ended questions/short answer questions. eHarmony has a great bank of questions, but you are also free to come up with your own. After that type of communication, if you are still interested, you can exchange eHarmony email with each other, which is protected on the site. Many people have asked me if I was always the one to send questions first, or if I  waited for people to contact me. I would have to say it depended on the person. If I was really interested, I sent the questions first. If I was unsure, I typically left it up to the other person. I got matched and starting talking with A LOT of people-- as I said before, that's the beauty of eHarmony. You never felt as though there weren't enough people on the site. And if I had someone who moved on from me, I wasn't too upset about it, because I always knew I was getting new matches.

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So I suppose I should start writing about my matches. I wish I could tell you about all of them (so many crazy stories), but I will talk about some of them, the ones that stuck out in my mind. They may not be in chronological order either-- I have a hard time remembering when I actually dated all these guys (to be fair-- I knew right away when I met my husband that he was the one-- and so all of the others quickly faded out of my memory). So to keep everything private, each match will have a nickname. And here it goes.....

One of the first guys I was set up with, we will call him "Bull Run" (the name of the restaurant we went to) , I started talking to right after Christmas. "BR" and I had a lot in common, and right away it was so easy for me to talk to him. We had long email exchanges to each other, had similar values, both had successful jobs, and both cared about our families. I really enjoyed talking to him, and I was excited when he asked me to meet up with him at restaurant not too far from where we both lived. When we got there, I was so nervous-- I didn't know what to do. I felt like I knew him, but I had never actually met him before. Do we hug? Shake hands? I actually don't remember what we ended up doing, but I remember that the conversation face-to-face was blah. It wasn't exciting, I kept looking at the clock, and we only got drinks-- diet coke (like really? ugh). When we left, I asked him if he was interested in going on another date (I figured-- maybe he was nervous and that's why he seemed so boring?), and he said he would. He also mentioned to me that he was just kind of "seeing what this whole thing was like," and that it probably prepared him for other dates. Excuse me? I was a practice run? The nerve! You would think that after that I would have kicked him to the non-existent curb. But, no I didn't. Because he sent me a message later on that he wanted to go on another date.  I thought, okay, maybe he was nervous and realized that he came across as arrogant. We did go on another date, bowling to be specific, but again, no spark. Nothing. No excitement, no laughter, just forced. While on paper we were a "perfect" match, face-to-face we were most certainly not. And that was the end of "BR." Nice enough guy, but just not quite the right one for me.

The next guy, "Awww B" (because my sister Jocelyn loved this guy-- keep in mind she never actually met him), was a mid-west transfer living in New England. He was trying to meet people and make friends in the area, and happened to stumble upon eHarmony. Again, such a nice guy, thoughtful, attentive, and had a great sense of humor. He would email me regularly, and always let me know that he was thinking about me. We went on our first date, and I felt so comfortable! I really enjoyed myself, and I had a great time with him. We went on two more dates, and on the third date, he told me that he wanted to be exclusive. I froze. I didn't know what to say. In this instance, my head and my heart were actually at the same place. I wasn't ready. I enjoyed the dating aspect, getting to meet new people, getting to go on dates again, but I was in no way ready for a relationship. I didn't want to lead "Awww B" on, and even though I did sign up for eHarmony to find someone with whom I could be in a committed relationship with and potentially love, I couldn't deny my feelings that I wasn't quite at the same place he was. He told me he understood, but that he would have to move on because he didn't want to just keep going on dates. He wanted a relationship. Of course I understood, but that was a really difficult decision for me. For his sake, I truly hope he has found someone special, because he is such a great guy.

There were a lot of one date wonders in there as well. I won't give them nicknames, because well, they didn't last long! One of my dates, showed up to our date one hour early just to make sure that we got a spot at a local coffee shop (what the what?!!). Earlier that day, I was going through his pictures on eHarmony (probably with my mom and my sisters) trying to figure out if I found him attractive. I remember thinking "oh he looks good there," "ohhhhh not so good," "oh not bad," "wow...okay...not what I thought he looked like." The kid had like twenty pictures and he looked different in every single one of them! Now I am not saying that I am that shallow (well....I hope I'm not), but if you are on eHarmony-- put up honest pictures of yourself! If someone likes you enough, they are going to want to meet you, and if you don't look  like your pictures, that is just not a good thing! Trust me! It kind of freaks us out if we can't match you to any picture that you have posted on your profile. Well, when I got to the coffee shop, he met me at the door, and let's just say, I was taller than him. I am 5 ft 1......so ya that wasn't a very good start. One un-named rule I gave myself was to always give the date a chance. I usually would set aside about 2 hours for the date, just so I would feel as though I tried. I hardly lasted 1 hour with that guy. He was a little out there. Then there was a date at Starbucks, that I thought went well, but I never heard from him again! Nothing! Which you should know is not uncommon. Not every person you meet up with has to formally "break up" with you. Such a weird concept. Then there was a guy who road the Pan Mass Challenge every year, who was too into himself during that date to notice I was there. He asked me zero questions, and I don't even think I was given the chance to talk. And then he messaged me later in the week asking if I wanted to see him again---- ahh no thanks. I like to talk. Sorry. Then there was the guy I met up with at a very cool coffee shop, who I think was either in love with his roommate or still in love with his girlfriend. But was definitely not interested. And yes, you will get those kind of guys too. The last one date wonder was an engineer. I typically don't like to stereotype, but in this case, when you think of an engineer, his head should pop up. It wasn't that he was "boring," but he had a difficult time talking to me. I know it sounds weird, but I don't think he was nervous, as much as worried that he would have to talk to me. In this case, I did want someone to share the conversation with. I was actually interested in hearing what he had to say, but he had such a difficult time, that I just moved on after that date. Again, he tried to contact me, but I was thinking to myself-- "He thought it went well? He needs to re-think that."

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At the same time I got matched with my now husband, I got matched with a guy whom we shall call "Mini Coop." He was smart, a little nerdy, very responsive, and very much into video games. Our first date was to dinner, and I really enjoyed his company. He had a dry sense of humor, which I definitely have, and many of the shows and movies I like, he also liked. I didn't feel like I "needed" to look at my phone or the clock, and the conversation was pleasant. He asked about my job and family, and he was very open about his family. The end of the date, I was actually interested in seeing him again. Our second date was at the movies, which is so non-threatening. After the movie, I actually had to get home and pack for my vacation, so it didn't leave us much time to talk. We did talk over my vacation, but at the same time, I started talking to someone named Jim (my future husband). I was the first to initiate conversation with Jim, and I thought he was so handsome, too handsome, to respond to me. When he did, I was so nervous! I didn't want to send anything wrong, or make a fool of myself. More so than any other match, I actually waited for his responses. Every day on vacation, I would check my phone to see if he had sent me a message in the morning (he always did), and I would quickly send a response back. I would then see if he responded to me in the afternoon, and he always did. I got giddy thinking about him, and I think my family could sense a change in my demeanor. All of the other matches were great, but this was the first one that I actually cared about. After about two weeks of communication through emails, we finally decided to go on a date.

But what about "Mini Coop?" Well, since Jim and I hadn't formally met face to face, I was still communicating with "Mini Coop." The final straw happened before our last date. We were supposed to go to a local AAA baseball game (and I loved that date idea), but the day before the date, "Mini Coop" send me a message saying that his actual mini cooper was in the shop. He didn't have a car, and asked if I would mind picking him up at his house. First of all, I hate driving. What I hate even more, is driving other people. And I barely knew him!?!! That was it for me-- I was so annoyed. And at the same time that I was feeling frustrated and annoyed, I was realizing that I really liked Jim. Really liked him. I now had a perfectly good reason to stop seeing "Mini Coop." Since I felt as though he deserved ONE more chance, I picked up "Mini Coop", and we went to the game. After the game he asked if I wanted to get a drink or food with him, and I said no. I dropped him back at his place (which was a townhouse that looked like it belonged in a community for people 55+), and that was that. He did email me a few days later asking what I wanted our next date to be-- I thought I was clear that I wasn't interested but I digress-- and I had to formally break up with him.

So what about Jim? What was our first date like? What was our relationship like starting out?

Guess you will just have to keep reading ;)

The Middle of the Road

Another day off from school due to Juno (blizzard), and this morning consisted of lesson planning and scheduling, and setting up the crock pot for dinner tonight (thanks mixandmatchmama for the AMAZING crock pot recipes!!). I am starting to feel more comfortable in the kitchen, and who knows-- maybe I will be creating my own recipes soon?? ;) (wishful thinking!).

Anyway, as promised, here is more of my journey towards true love. We left off with my first glimpse at my future husband on eHarmony. As I had stated before, I had been on the site for about seven months at that point, and I had met A LOT of guys through the site. Some, I knew right away from reading their profiles, they were not the ones for me. Anyone who is thinking about joining eHarmony (or any other dating site), I HIGHLY recommend it if you are in your mid-twenties or older. It is such a great way to meet people, especially if you are working a full time job and feel as though you have no time to meet people. I would also recommend this if you have explored all of your "known" options. You know what I mean-- you have met every single person that everyone in your life knows and has tried to set you up with. I am not saying that people don't meet the "one" that way; I am just saying that while people have the best intentions, sometimes the only thing you have in common with the people that you are set up with is the fact that you are both single! I was set-up on a date by my cousin with someone that her husband worked with (this was before eHarmony). To be honest, I don't remember his name, but he was nice-- a theme you will see pop up a lot on my journey. Too nice? No, not really, but I just didn't "feel" it. On the first date. And I was done- that quick! First impressions (I unfortunately found out) are extremely meaningful to me! I just had a feeling that he wasn't it, and I didn't want to waste my time or his. I did feel bad, but neither of us had any real investment in it yet, and I figured, why not just end it before it starts. My cousin then (almost immediately) set me up with another nice guy-- a fellow teacher, who was extremely nice. We had a great conversation at one of my favorite places, Barnes and Nobles. He also was a coach, and seemed so devoted to his school and his students-- I was really impressed. Was I interested? No-- again, I felt bad about it. He tried to keep in contact, but I had to be honest with him, and tell him that I didn't think it was going anywhere. Around that same time, I also became somewhat interested in someone at my church. He was lector and my family and I always thought he was cute. I, embarrassingly, introduced myself after church one day and "pretended" that I wanted to become a lector, and asked him how to go about doing that. Hindsight-- honesty is best, and was I honestly trying to become a lector? No-- not at all. I should have just walked away at that point. After our "forced" meeting, we starting texting each other. It was fun, and I loved the attention. Our first (and only) date, we met up at another one of my favorite coffee places: Starbucks! We started talking, and it was so easy to talk to him. I found myself smiling, genuinely smiling and having a good time. I thought to myself-- could it be? Could I have found someone that I actually could date? And then, came the STORY-- for privacy for that person, and because I don't want to be extremely mean, I am only going to give you the highlights. He had been in the army, and there was a breakdown of some sorts. And then I started to get a little freaked out-- he was so vulnerable, and I feel so bad because I know he was just trying to be honest. However, I got the feeling as though he wasn't quite ready/stable? :( to be in a relationship at that time. After our date, I knew I wasn't going to see him in a dating setting again. He did contact me after the date, but again, I had to be honest, and I told him I wasn't interested. It was SO difficult-- and yes I still see him when I'm at church (as I slowly, slide down towards the edge of the pew). Super mature Kaitlin.

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There was, at one point, in between all of these set-ups when I actually reached out to my ex (BAD, TERRIBLE, STUPID, did I say BAD idea). There is a reason they are called an ex by the way-- as I learned from a great book  He's Just Not That Into You  (side bar-- amazing book! Everyone should read it!) given to me by my cousin during my "difficult" time. We met up, and I thought we could be friends again-- until he mentioned his new girlfriend (run, girl, run!). And then I realized, we couldn't be friends. We weren't in high school or college anymore. We were adults, and just like that old adage "People come into your life for a reason, season, or lifetime," I came to the understanding that he was not meant to be in my life for a lifetime; he taught me a valuable lesson about self-worth, unrequited love (me not him), and letting go. I know everyone is different, and has their own way of getting through a breakup, but talking to your ex (in my opinion) is never a good idea. It only brings up hurt and frustration. You can't go "back" to the way you two were-- it just doesn't work like that. And in some cases, I know people do get back together and it works out amazingly, but in many cases, both people try to get it back to the way it was. And that can be a very challenging thing to do.

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The setting up/dating people you know aside, if you are not quite the type to go to bars, or you are hesitant to get involved with LivingSocial events that include only single people, or you really don't want to date someone that you work with, then online dating may be perfect for you! It is a great way to meet a lot of people in a short amount of time. One of my favorite parts of online dating was getting to make the decision to either talk to people or move on! I had the power! I got to reject those that I didn't want to date (keep in mind-- I kind of always felt stifled in my previous relationship), and although I did feel bad at times, it was also mutually understood that because I was looking for love and commitment, I didn't want to waste my time. So, therefore, I rejected a lot of guys! The nice part of eHarmony, is that you can talk to many people at one time. There are always new matches, and therefore, you never feel as though the pond is too small. When I tried the bar scene, I always felt as though there weren't enough options, online dating is definitely the opposite. Some of the first people I met that I liked, I became attached to very quickly (try not to do this, okay?). I didn't quite understand the concept that there were always going to be new matches, so when someone I liked, didn't respond back to me, I was genuinely hurt. But, I also had to remember that I was doing the same thing! Trust me, it just takes time to adjust to the newness of it all!

Fast forward to my first date with my husband, and we had gone bowling (so fun for a first date! I would definitely recommend doing something fun for the first date!) and then we realized we still wanted to talk and hang out with each other (a pretty good sign). So, we ended up going to "UNOs" so we could get to know each other better. When we sat down at the bar, one of the first questions he asked me was "So how many dates like this have you gone on so far?" and I had to think about it for a moment. How many people had I gone on dates with from the site? I wanted to be honest! It took me a minute, but I told him-- "Oh, I don't know about 10? Maybe 11? How about you? How many dates have you gone on?" His response:" Oh, you're my first." Cue blushing, my insides freaking out, and a smile on his face. I didn't know what to say! And I guess before you learn more about my husband, and our first date, I should probably tell you about the others.......the other 10......or so.....but you will just have to wait for that until tomorrow!

The Road to Mrs.-- From the Beginning....

So I promised a few weeks ago that I would detail my road to marriage, starting from the beginning. Well, for me, in order to truly understand the journey, we have to go back to my high school years. I am certifiably a nerd at heart-- in high school, there were really only three things that occupied my time: my family, sports (cheerleading or softball depending on the season), and school. School was huge for me-- I cared so much about my grades, about doing well, and about making my parents and teachers proud of me. I didn't have time to date-- or so I thought-- I also wasn't "allowed" to date until I was 16, so I just pushed dating to the way-side for most of high school. Sure I was interested in boys, and I had crushes (embarrassing interactions with crushes), but I didn't actually "date" or have a boyfriend until senior year of high school. We started dating in October of my senior year, the typical football player and cheerleader story, but I wasn't really feeling a strong connection at the time-- looking back, I was definitely reading too much into the relationship! I blame The Bachelor ;) (I think the first season was around the time I was in high school). We broke up, only to get back together during the summer before starting college. I was happy that summer-- we got along so well, I absolutely adored his family, and we were actually going to be attending the same college in the fall. Fast forward to the first weekend in college, and I again, broke up with him. I just wasn't having the same strong feelings that he was having. We became friends again, and for about a year, we probably became the best of friends-- and that's where we should have stayed. Again, I absolutely loved his family, and I did feel so comfortable with him, but sometimes if something doesn't work out (after two or three tries), it probably isn't meant to be. I can say this now, but I know the 20 year old me didn't quite understand that concept yet.

We started dating again, and dated for about 5 years, until we broke up in the fall (what is it and the fall?!). My younger sister Elizabeth, had gotten engaged the summer of that year, and whether he admits it or not, it probably freaked out my ex. I thought that he and I were at that place of marriage-- we had been together for almost 5 years, we had both finished graduate school at that point, we both had secured jobs (I was about to start my first teaching job), and I just assumed that we were on the track for marriage. To be honest, when my sister got engaged, my heart sank, for some reason, I had a feeling that that was the beginning of the end of my relationship. To say I was shocked when he decided he couldn't marry or stay with me would be a lie. Truthfully, I knew it was coming, and as much as it hurt, I knew it was the right thing to do. People always say that if someone wants to be with you, they will find a way, no matter what, and I honestly believe that. I also believe that he knew it was the end of the road for us, as hard as it is to admit.

Image Courtesy of: Evgeni Dinev at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Regardless if it was shocking, the breakup was devastating. It happened the second week of school, and I had to put on the bravest of faces. I didn't want to let my personal feelings get in the way of my teaching, but boy was that hard. For the next few months, I couldn't eat, sleep, or stop crying. Even though my family kept telling me that it was for the best, I felt as though that was my only chance to get married. He was all I knew-- I hadn't dated anyone else, and I was convinced that I wouldn't find anyone to love, never mind marry me. When I found out he was dating someone less than two months after us breaking up, I moved from grief to fury. How could he do that so quickly? I was still picking up the pieces. It was terrible-- I was not a joy to be around, and I know that it was hard for Elizabeth to enjoy her engagement, when I was going through such a tough time (I love you Elizabeth!). It was also hard for my younger sisters, who didn't quite know what I was going through, and tried their hardest to make me feel better. I couldn't enjoy the fall (my favorite season), Thanksgiving was a blur, and by the time Christmas came around, I was still just going through the motions. Thankfully, my family was EXTREMELY supportive and understanding, my school friends were AMAZING and knew how to make me feel better, and my old friends were always there for a talk. It truly is during the worst times, that you find out how many people truly enhance your life and are there for you when you need them.

My sister Elizabeth and I that Christmas

Christmas Eve came around, and my father had decided that it was enough. I needed to get back out there . I had been set up on dates here or there by my friends and family (do people really meet the love of their life that way anymore???), but nothing became serious. My dad basically forced me to sign up for eHarmony-- I was initially hesitant. I was 24, and I was slightly embarrassed about signing up for that site. Two hours later, on Christmas Eve, I had officially finished answering the questions, and I was officially on eHarmony. Longest quiz ever!!!!!!!!!! (sorry eHarmony). It was surreal; I was excited and nervous at the same time. I started getting messages right away, and I found myself enjoying the communication. I would talk with a few guys, meet a few, realize we weren't at the same place, or we had no connection, or we just didn't fit. I did meet a nice guy, we will call him B, and we did go on a few dates early in the new year, and he did want to start being exclusive, but I had to make the tough decision to tell him I wasn't at the point yet. I felt like a horrible and terrible person! Here was a nice guy, ready to date me exclusively, and I just wasn't ready! This point was really a set back for me, and I actually slowed down on the site for a while. I was "ready" to date, but I wasn't quite "ready" for an exclusive relationship yet.

I would message people occasionally, meet up with them, but they were always missing something. I don't know what-- it was just missing. Then, in the summer, just as I was starting to feel frustrated that I wasn't finding anyone that I wanted to seriously date, I saw a picture and profile on my match page that honestly stopped me in my tracks, and actually made me blush. He was handsome, his profile was personable, funny, and he seemed like an all around amazing guy-- the only flaw-- I made the first move! I waited days to see if he would message me, and nothing!!!!! I then, got up the nerve, to send him a message. I figured, why not? I was just about to go on a family vacation to the Cape, and I had nothing to lose. To my excitement and surprise-- he responded! Little did I know that this guy, this amazing guy, would become my husband (well I did wish that when I first met him-- but we will get to that part of the story next)..............

Image Courtesy of Mister GC at FreeDigitalPhotos.net