Where am I going?

Where am I going?

This is a question that I have been thinking about lately. It is probably due to all of the time off I've had. Am I on the path I am supposed to be on? Am I preparing myself well for motherhood in the future? Am I at a good point in my career? Am I living my life the way I want to? The way God wants me to? Am I a good wife? Have I been a good daughter/sister/granddaughter/cousin? Or, have I strayed off the path?

I go through these periods where I feel unsure about the road I am traveling on. I am the type of person who has to know "the ending." When reading a book, the first thing I do is read the last few pages. It doesn't ruin the book for me-- I actually feel as though I enjoy it more because I know how it ends. Any surprise that I may encounter while reading the book does not feel monumental because I am prepared for it. It is an interesting way to read, and sometimes I wish I could do this with life. I would love to know what happens thirty years from now-- Where will I be? Will I have children, with the possibility of grandchildren? Will I still be living in New England? Will I still be teaching? I have this desire of "knowing." I understand that life doesn't happen this way-- but just once, I would love to look into a crystal ball.

A consistent fear that I have is that I will become a burnt-out teacher. Teaching is so much more than a job to me; I try my absolute best everyday. Some days my lessons fail miserably. Some days I have no motivation. Some days I wish I wasn't a teacher. Some days I wonder what my life would be like if I had a different job. Everyone tells me that teaching is the perfect career for a parent to have. I am not so sure! I think to myself-- when will I have the time to lesson plan AND enjoy my children? As it is, I spend most nights completing school work. I know that having children will be an adjustment, not just in terms of my job but in life in general. If I am being honest, I am afraid. I am afraid that I won't be able to do it all.

While I was having these thoughts, I stumbled upon the following quotes on Pinterest:

                                                       

{via}

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A  hint perhaps? :)  I am a teacher in this moment of my life. It is my job to inspire others to do their best. It is my job to start each day fresh and new. Everyday is a gift, and I really shouldn't be worrying about the future. Whether I continue teaching or not, I have to remember that at the end of the day, life is a journey. It is not necessarily about the beginning or the end, but the moments that happen in between. It is not about sticking to one job or career just because you feel as though you have to. It is about being happy in "your moments." For now, I am happy with my "teaching moments." And, if I truly get to the point of not wanting to teach anymore, it is my decision. A decision driven by what I want and my desire to have different moments. Not necessarily because I feel there is a different "ending" for me.



Thanks for letting me share my thoughts :)