Our Weekend Adventure and Addison's Medical Update: Part I

I feel like this past weekend  I truly became a mom. Yes-- I know that my daughter is 2 months old and that I technically became a mother on November 23, 2015. However, the experience we had as a family this weekend made it feel even more real. 

It all started about two weeks ago, when I noticed that Addison's eyes would flutter while I changed her diaper. At first I didn't think anything of it-- I just thought it was her eyes trying to focus. When it became more frequent, my husband and I became concerned. My husband suggested I videotape the incident on my phone, just in case, and I am so glad he had me do that. It turned out to be extremely helpful. 

I called her pediatrician Monday January 18th and was told to come into the office immediately. I started to panic-- the nurse's voice seemed urged and concerned. My husband had already left for work, so my mom came with me for moral support. Honestly, I just needed someone there with me. We got to the doctor's office, and I showed Addison's doctor the video. She watched it and asked me to email it to her when I got a chance. Fortunately, Addison fluttered her eyes during the appointment, so luckily our pediatrician was able to witness it firsthand. Since Addison has a pediatric ophthalmologist already (due to her cataract) our pediatrician was going to consult with her to see what our next steps were. 

That afternoon, we were notified by Addison's doctor that we had an appointment with the pediatric ophthalmologist Thursday morning to investigate the fluttering. I have to say that the days we had to wait to see the doctor were torturous. Addison kept fluttering, I was worrying but tried to keep myself busy with the normal day-to-day stuff. My husband decided to come with us to the appointment. Addison's eyes were dilated, and her eye doctor did a basic exam. She watched the videos and asked to be messaged the video so that she could observe it and send it to some colleagues if necessary. Her diagnosis was reverse ocular bobbing (potentially a type of nystagmus or uncontrollable eye movement). There isn't a lot of research on this type of eye movement, and unfortunately most of the research out there links this type of eye movement with encephalopathy (brain malfunction), or some metabolic syndrome. I was numb. Our daughter was just supposed to have the cataract that's it. We don't even know why she has the cataract, and now we were on a new journey to figure out what was causing the fluttering. The ophthalmologist wanted to look into this further, so she said she would be in touch, but she really wanted Addison to get an MRI and testing done to make sure there were no other issue with the brain. She also noted that we might have to bring Addison to see either a neurologist or a neurological ophthalmologist.  Since her surgery to remove the cataract was fast approaching (and absolutely necessary for vision in her left eye), the doctor wanted to make sure there were no underlying problems (whether related or unrelated to her cataract). 

Thank goodness my husband was there with me to calm me down. An MRI? Possible brain disease or malfunction? But our daughter was smiling (for real!), she was hitting all of her milestones, she was gaining weight, she was interacting with others. How could there be something else wrong with our little girl? We don't know the cause of her cataracts, and now there was something else we couldn't explain. I felt terrible. I also felt as though it was my fault. I had an amazing pregnancy-- a really great, wonderful pregnancy. I had never felt so amazing in my life-- I truly loved being pregnant. Addison was safe while I was pregnant, and now I couldn't protect her like that anymore. I would have traded my great pregnancy for the worst kind possible if it meant that Addison was 100% healthy. But none of us get that luxury, and I have to remind myself that we are lucky that we have such a great doctor that can fix her cataract.

We left the eye center (2 hours after we had arrived), and waited to find out what the next course of action was. We didn't hear back from any of the doctors on Thursday and I was hopeful that it was nothing. Friday I brought Addison to the doctors for her 2 month check-up. Our pediatrician told me that she had spoken with Addison's ophthalmologist and they both agreed that Addison should get an MRI done and see a specialist. They were concerned that there was something else going on with Addison that we could not outwardly see that may affect the viability of her cataract surgery. I absolutely love Addison's pediatrician-- she cares so much for her patients, and as a mom, it is so comforting knowing there is someone looking out for your child. Since we didn't have a lot of time to mess around, Addison's pediatrician thought that the best course of action was admitting her into the hospital. I crumbled. I honestly wasn't expecting her to say that-- and it made me nervous because her pediatrician wanted her admitted ASAP. I understand that the fastest course of action was admittance into one of the best hospitals in the country, but it was still hard to accept. Our pediatrician suggested that we pack for the weekend just in case. Our first weekend away as a family would be at a hospital haha-- so much fun. 

Unfortunately, we couldn't just bring Addison to Dartmouth Hitchcock right away, we had to wait for a confirmation call. That was the longest afternoon of my life! Once we finally got the call, my husband and I packed the car and started on our two hour journey. On our way, I had to pick up my classes' final exams to grade. No rest for the weary here. The two hour drive went by quickly, and by 8 pm we arrived at the hospital. We parked in the garage at the hospital, but unfortunately we had to walk all the way around the hospital to the ER entrance, since that was the only one open at 8 pm. The only items we carried were Addison in her car seat carrier and her diaper bag-- we left all of our other items in the car (thinking we would be able to get them once we checked in). 

Once we checked in, we were taken to our very small hospital room. Little did we know that was just the beginning....

Check back here tomorrow for Part II of our Weekend Adventure as I have to take care of the little one, finish dinner, and clean the dishes!